


all night i have dreamed of destruction, annihilations

by gayshitiguess



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Don’t mind me fucking around, F/F, F/M, Ive had this idea kicking around in my head for a long time and I thought, M/M, hey whats a better holiday fic than family dysfunction?, i hope you guys enjoy!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:07:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22059028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayshitiguess/pseuds/gayshitiguess
Summary: There were approximately 5,000 children named Percival in the years following the fall of Vecna. There were 7,000 named Pike, 3,000 named Grog, 10,000 named Keyleth, 13,000.  named Scanlan, and every set of twins from that year on were named Vex’ahlia and Vax’ildan. She shared her name with thousands upon thousands of people. When news began to spread about the heroes of Exandria, how they had vanquished Vecna at the loss of one of their own, Vax’ildan became a holy name. It was the name of the champion of the Raven Queen, and his was the face that greeted everyone when they passed between the realms.And his name was hers. She, the only child named Vax’ildan who shared his blood.___Family dysfunction is the only thing that the De Rolos have in spades over Winter’s Crest. How dangerous that dysfunction becomes relies entirely on their second born daughter, named quite aptly after her troublesome uncle.
Relationships: Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Vex'ahlia
Comments: 6
Kudos: 58





	all night i have dreamed of destruction, annihilations

**Author's Note:**

> Bitchin Yule everybody! Holy shit I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time. I’ve been drafting this since last December, so I hope that it’s worth it! Happy holidays everybody! The new year is approaching and I hope that everybody enjoyed their winter! This is the first of three chapters in this story, so I hope that you guys enjoy and that I can finish the other two before February. If you liked it, leave a comment and let me know! I love reading comments y’all have no idea!! Enjoys!

There were approximately 5,000 children named Percival in the years following the fall of Vecna. There were 7,000 named Pike, 3,000 named Grog, 10,000 named Keyleth, 13,000. named Scanlan, and every set of twins from that year on were named Vex’ahlia and Vax’ildan. She shared her name with thousands upon thousands of people. When news began to spread about the heroes of Exandria, how they had vanquished Vecna at the loss of one of their own, Vax’ildan became a holy name. It was the name of the champion of the Raven Queen, and his was the face that greeted everyone when they passed between the realms. 

And his name was hers. She, the only child named Vax’ildan who shared his blood. Her mother had given her the name in grief, and she was most commonly referred to by her middle name, Julian, as a child. Her brother who shared their mother’s name, born two minutes after her, was called Fredrick to stop confusion, but her nickname was to keep her uncle’s name out of her mother’s mouth. 

She had always been so curious about him, about all of Vox Machina. She was insatiable in her questions. Vax learned quickly that her mother was not the person to ask. She would look very far away for a long moment before telling her that she would tell her when she was older. Vax did get older, but the answer to her questions stayed the same. 

So, she asked her father. He was much more likely to answer. He would recount stories, sometimes. He would tell her about the jokes that Uncle Vax and Uncle Grog would play on each other. He would tell her how brave of a warrior he was. He would tell her about how much Uncle Vax and Mother loved each other. He would tell her how much Uncle Vax loved Aunt Keyleth and Uncle Gilmore. He spoke a lot about Uncle Vax’s love. 

He wouldn’t answer other questions directly. When she asked why they weren’t allowed inside of the armory, why all of the awe- inspiring weapons that she had heard stories about, were locked away to dust and rot, while he spent his days repairing clocks, he would brush her away. When she asked why she hadn’t met his siblings, he would look very, very sad, and tell her that they had died. 

She found out about the Briarwoods on her own account, while looking through the records in the library. It was horrifying, reading about her uncles and aunts dying. It was even more horrifying to read about her father, awash in demonic power, tearing through Whitestone in a rage of revenge and vindication. 

He did tell her, however, about Anna Ripley. Ripley was a bit of a horror story for the De Rolo children. Vesper loved to tease them about it. Stories told in the dark of their rooms after bedtime often featured Ripley as the lead villain. Vax had feared her for a very long time, and she thought that, every time her name was brought up, she could see that fear reflected in her father’s eyes. He was never specific about her, about what she had done, but he did warn them about her necrotic abilities. 

“Should you ever see a woman,” he would tell them, “with greying hair and one hand, you run as quickly as you can. She is not a trifle villain. She will kill you when she knows what blood runs in your veins.” 

When she turned sixteen, she insisted that she be called by her given name. 

“Vax’ildan is the name that you gave me, mother,” she had said, with a deep sneer in her voice. “If you could possibly struggle to use it.” 

A year later, she snuck into the temple of the Raven Queen in town. She sat on the stone ground for a long time, staring up at the unblinking statue of her Lady. And she prayed. She wanted to know, she told the Queen. She wanted to know everything. 

When her mother had found out about that, there was an effort to keep her away from anything to do with the Raven Queen. It wasn’t as easily done as it was said. Every book on the matter was stricken from the Whitestone library and she was forbidden from entering the Raven Queen’s temple. 

They’d had a few screaming matches about it, but the most eventful one had ended with her mother screaming; “She will not take you from me too!” 

After that, Vax cared very little for what her mother said. Her father had, of course, asked her to reconsider, but she was set. Nothing would stop her. She did not belong to her mother and she would not be controlled by her fears. She spent as much time in the temple as she could. One night, late into the evening, she knelt before that cold statue. Something drifted down from the rafters after her several hours of prayer. It landed before her, a long, flowing piece of fabric with black feathers studded into it. She lifted it up and wrapped it around her shoulders. It sat there like it was built for her. 

She was sent to stay with Aunt Pike when her mother found out. She assumed that her mother was hoping that Pike would talk her out of this whole idea, but no such thing happened. Pike encouraged her to follow the path that she was meant to, to lean into her calling. This cumulated in her pledging herself to the Queen on her eighteenth birthday. Uncle Grog saw to it that a sword was forged for her, and he taught her how to fight. 

Those two years spent with Pike, Grog, and Scanaln were perhaps the best of her life. Her heart ached without her twin, but Freddy was with the Air Ashari, studying the Druidic arts with Aunt Keyleth. They spoke often and saw each other every Winter’s Crest. 

Winter’s Crest was bittersweet for her. On one part, she would take any chance to see her siblings. Vesper, the eldest, was always so dignified, and although that had, for a time, bred discontempt in her, she had grown to admire her older sister. She was clever and peaceful and could talk down an argument faster than it arose. She reminded Vax of their Aunt Cassandra very much, and so it made sense that she was studying to be a diplomat. Seeing Freddy was always like being reunited with her other half. Her brother was quiet and thoughtful, but never awkward. He had the quiet grace of her mother, and his talent with nature was unmatched. Vex’ahlia the flower grower, who could coax the daisies to bloom in the dead of winter. There was never a rift between the two, although they were very different. Vax, for all of her righteous anger and spitting words, could always be calmed by her brother. 

“All of your anger is righteous,” Freddy would sometimes say, “especially when you’re wrong.” 

Whitney was the youngest of the bunch, and although he was passing from the sweet stages of toddler and into the dreaded pre-teens, Vax still found him desperately enjoyable. At six years old, he was just beginning to express an interest in earth sciences. While a bit removed from their father’s mechanics, Vax had walked up to the castle that day to see Lord Percival De Rolo knelt in the snow and dirt, digging for bugs with his youngest. 

She was still in her armor, dark and severe, and she had cut off the long, black hair that she had maintained for eighteen years. She was nineteen now, and she was a paladin of the Raven Queen. She was an entirely different person than she had been a year ago. When Whitney saw her, he came running down the snowy path towards her. She stood out against the white snow, and when he hit her legs in a grand hug, her long, feathered cape came to wrap around him for a moment, stealing him away from the cold. 

“Hiya, Whit,” She said softly, lifting him up into her arms. “You’re getting bigger,” She laughed, tossing him up into the air. He giggled and wrapped his arms around her neck. 

“Vax, papa is showing me where the bugs hide when it snows!” He squealed, squirming away from her and back towards their father. 

Lord Percival looked much the same since the last time she saw him. His hair had become less white, more grey, and he was growing a beard. Vax could barely remember how he looked when she was a child, but one thing that remained in her mind was the image of her father, sickly and small, as he held her. That’s why the sight of him, soft around the stomach and grinning, was a gift in and of itself. 

“Hello there,” He smiled. His fingers dancing about the stripe of white hair that cut through her bangs. She shrugged and pulled him into a hug. 

“Alright then, Da?” She asked softly. 

“Very much so,” He laughed. “Let me get a look at you.” He pulled her back and took in the armor, the scar that ran from her eyebrow to her neck. He nodded in approval. “Whitney, how about you and I help your sister settle in and we can come back for the bugs?” 

Whitney bounced along side them as they walked up towards the castle, speaking very quickly about the worms he’d been raising in a little flower box in his room. Vax was a bit grossed out by the idea, but if that’s what the kid wanted then so be it. She was suddenly very satisfied with the item she’d had Uncle Gilmore order specially from Wildemount for her. 

As they stepped inside, she kicked off the snow from her boots and let her father take the bag from her back. 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve carried one of these.” He grinned. “Vesper is home, but Freddy and your Aunts and Uncles haven’t arrived yet.” Vax nodded and followed him up towards her bedroom. It was an option to wait for Keyleth and Freddy to make it to the temple of Sarenrae that she’d taken up residence in, but she’d elected to take the week’s long journey. It was a good chance to clear her mind and find the present she’d yet to be able to decide upon for Freddy. 

Her mother was in their bedroom, working fresh sheets over her and Freddy’s beds. She smiled when Vax entered, but it faltered a bit when she saw the armor. 

“You cut your hair.” She said softly. Vax nodded. Her mother looked exactly the same as she did when she left. Beautiful and delicate and fierce. 

“Do you like it?” Vax asked. There was a moment of tense, long silence. Her mother broke it, stepping forward to wrap her in a hug. 

“Of course I do, my dear.” Her hand, too fluttered over the white on her head. Her face twisted, as though to say  _ ‘Did I cause this?’  _ Vax didn’t know how to reply  _ ‘yes, you did’ _ without ruining the moment. 

Dinner at Whitestone Castle was always an event, especially when Vax was home. She thought herself a loud and proud person who wouldn’t be spoken over. Freddy just called her dramatic. Whatever the case, after everybody had arrived through the Sun Tree, they had settled at the table to feast. Winter’s Crest held a number of traditions for them. It was the only time of the year when the entirety of what was left of Vox Machina could be found in one place. While they tried to have a hunting trip every summer (to which none of the kids were invited, which truly got under her skin), there was no guarantee that all of them would make it, much less if Gilmore could get there. Uncle Shaun was perhaps Vax’s favorite person in the whole world. He was clever and kind and she could see why her uncle fell in love with him. So too could she see why he loved Aunt Keyleth. While she had never spent as much time with her as Freddy did, Aunt Keyleth was like a tonic to her soul. Sweet and fierce, prone to anxiety and endlessly wise, Vax wanted to be every bit of what Aunt Keyleth was. 

They had a duck for Winter’s Crest dinner, and a slathering of other things on the side. The table was covered in food and she could barely see over the duck to the other side of it. 

She sat next to Freddy at the table, the two of them talking quietly as they rocked in their chairs. They always sat next to each other, shoulders brushing, close enough to whisper quietly between themselves. 

“Twins,” Vesper said softly from across the table. The two of them looked up in tandem. “Tell me about your studies. I want to know everything.” Vax smiled and elbowed Freddy under the table. 

“They’re good,” He said, “I’ve been studying elementals recently, trying to master Wildshaping.” 

“He can turn into a hawk, but his feathers are always red.” Aunt Kiki said. Freddy blushed and laughed. 

“I’m working on it.” He shrugged. “I can grow mushrooms better than anything else.” 

“He’s doing fantastic.” Keyleth said, smiling at him from down the table. She looked so proud. 

“And you, Vax?” Vesper said. A flinch seemed to pass through the table. Vesper held her eye, though, not letting her look away. 

“Good.” Vax said. “I’m learning how to fight. And about Divine Intervention.” Everything was very quiet for a long moment. 

“She’s very sensitive to the Celestial Plane.” Pike squeaked out. Vax could feel her mother’s gaze bore into her. 

“As long as you’re safe.” Her father said, trying to smooth over the growing tension. Vax wasn’t the kind of person who believed in that kind of thing. If there was tension it was there for a reason. She wasn’t one to deny it the right to break out. 

“Only as safe as you lot were at my age.” She smiled. Her mother’s face was pale and hard. They all knew that they weren’t at all safe. That was a promise that she could and indeed was facing the stakes that the had. That she was facing death. 

Lady Vex’ahlia stood, her white robes falling around her like snow. Lord Perceval’s hand was in hers in a moment, calming and trying desperately to keep the table at peace. 

“Julien, if I could see you for a moment,” Her mother said, her voice cold. Vax’s heart squeezed in her chest. She couldn’t decide if she was afraid or angry. Maybe both. 

Vax stood, her shoulders square. The symbol of the Raven Queen hung on a chain around her neck and was carved into her chest plate. She followed her mother into the corridor, and naturally Freddy and her father followed. 

The four of them made a small circle, like a huddle of sportsmen, which her mother staring Vax down. 

“Whatever it is you’re going to say, it will not stray me from my path.” Strike, right to her mother’s core. 

“And if that path is to lead to your death?” Counterstrike.

“If it is the Raven Queen’s will,” perry, sending her opponent stumbling. 

“Vax,” Freddy said, “I don’t think mother is trying to convince you to stop serving your Goddess. I think she simply requests that you do everything to be careful while doing it.”

“I take the necessary precautions.” Vax shot back. 

“There are so many ways to serve without throwing yourself into danger.” Her mother replied. “You could serve in a temple or as a healer.” Father put his hand on Mother’s arm. 

“Do you think that you could have been a temple servant to Pelor? Or that Pike wouldn’t enter battle for Sarenrie?” Finally, another sword to assist. Her mother shot a look that might have cut Father in half if he wasn’t so very talented at warding those looks off. 

“I am who I am, Mother,” Vax said. “If you cannot love that, then I don’t understand why you torture us both with these continual meetings.” Her mother’s face was so twisted with anguish as those words left her mouth that Vax was sure that she was about to break into pieces. Instead of watch that, Vax pushed passed the crowd, threw her sword over her shoulder, and made for the door. 

It only took Freddy three minutes to catch up to her outside. He tossed a heavy cloak at her as he shrugged one on himself. Vax continued on, walking along in the snow towards town. The two of them were quiet for a very long moment. 

“Why would you ever side with mother on this sort of thing?” She finally huffed. “You’re feeding her complex that she’s always right.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed this about Mother,” Freddy said, “but she is usually right.” 

“She’s asking me to abandon who I am.” Vax spat. 

“Don’t be so dramatic.” Freddy shoved his elbow into her side. “She wants you to be safe. It’s not her fault that being safe contradicts who you are.” 

For a very long time, the two of them continued walking, side by side, in quiet companionship. She was cross with Freddy, but that hardly meant anything between the two of them. They were two halves of the same person, she thought. It wasn’t her fault that Freddy got all of the calm. 

They passed through the center of town and were met with the citizens of Whitestone. Vesper was usually the one that enjoyed that kind of thing, but it was a refreshing moment. Many people stopped to shake their hands, children ran up to them. A little girl beckoned the, to kneel and so they did. She held two, tiny, dried flowers in her hand. One she tucked into one of the braids that Freddy wore, and the other she pressed into Vax’s armor. She looked up at Vax with wide, wonder-filled eyes. 

As they continued through town, they walked past the street festival. Vax had always loved this, the way that the people lined up wooden tables in the center of the street and filled them with whatever they had. She kept slipping gold pieces into pockets as they passed. 

Eventually, they broke out into the forest. Freddy breathed in and out, like the air was suddenly much clearer. He looked so at home in the forest. Vax always loved to see him like that, so calm, under the trees. It was as though he was a soul removed from the woods long ago, finally allowed back. 

The forest was dusted with a slight layer of snow, not as strong as the one outside of it’s thick canopy. It crunched softly beneath their feet. Vax looked up at Freddy and he looked at her. 

“I don’t know how to be what she wants.” She said finally. 

“She doesn’t want you to be anything.” Freddy said. “She wants you to be happy and healthy and safe. She doesn’t want you to make the same mistakes that she did.”

“She doesn’t want me to be Uncle.” She snarled. “But she gave me his name. And I am called to walk his path.” 

“She doesn’t want you to die.” Freddy replied. “And I share that sentiment.”

For a very long moment, they were quiet as they walked. The hairs on the back of Vax’s neck stood on end and, on instinct, she turned. The forest was calm and quiet behind them. Freddy’s hand fell to her shoulder. They continued on. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can find me on Tumblr at gayshitiguess.


End file.
